From “Have To” to “Get To”: A Long-Weekend Reframe that Changed Everything

584 words, 3 minutes read time

I woke up this past Saturday morning staring down the barrel of a classic long-weekend “to-do” list:

  • tidy the house (again)
  • tackle the grocery run before the crowds hit
  • address the monstrous mounds of laundry needing to be folded
  • fit in lunch at mom’s
  • squeeze in prep for next week’s client sessions and lesson planning
  • mow the lawn
  • gardening
  • etc., etc., ETC…

You get the idea. By 9 a.m. my shoulders were already creeping toward my ears. It felt like the weekend was happening to me, not for me.

The moment the switch flipped

Somewhere between sweeping Cheerios off the floor and speed-texting a grocery list to myself, I caught the phrase running on repeat in my head: “ I have to do the groceries, then I have to get to Mom’s by four…”

Then it hit me. Why did I feel I had to do all of these things? While working on practicing daily gratefulness and dabbling in the power or reframing, I tried an experiment I’m sure I’d read about at some point: I swapped have for get.

  • I get to tidy a home that keeps my family safe and warm.
  • I get to fill our fridge with food that fuels us.
  • I get to to enjoy Mom’s legendary cheesy potatoes and spend time with family I love and cherish.

Instantly, the heaviness loosened. The tasks were the same, but the energy was completely different—lighter, grateful, and even a little exciting. Instead of racing the clock, I found myself noticing tiny joys: the smell of fresh cilantro in my cart, the bird singing their beautiful songs while gardening, the quiet exhale after clearing the kitchen counter.

Why the words matter

Neurologically, tiny language shifts cue the brain to release different chemicals. “Have to” triggers obligation and stress hormones; “get to” taps the reward circuits connected to gratitude and possibility. Over time, that simple re-frame can:

  1. Lower stress by reducing the threat response.
  2. Boost motivation (tasks feel chosen, not forced).
  3. Expand capacity for joy in ordinary moments.

Try the “Get To” Reframe in Three Easy Steps

  1. Catch the script. Any time you hear yourself say or think “I have to…,” pause.
  2. Swap & finish the sentence. Replace have with get and see what new ending naturally follows.
    • “I get to drive my kid to soccer—she lights up on the field.”
  3. Anchor with gratitude. Take one slow breath and notice a small reason you’re grateful for that privilege.

Five seconds, big difference.

Grab Your Free “Get-To” Checklist

In true educator fashion, I created a page I could use to help me track these changes and aid me with this mindset shift. If you feel it might be helpful, you can grab it here.

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I have also created:
• 4 “I Get To…” phone wallpapers
• A fillable digital checklist
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Bringing it home

This week, pick one recurring chore—laundry, meal prep, the school run—and practice the swap. Notice any change in mood, body tension, or presence.

If it helps, you could jot a sticky note: “I get to.” and place it where the “have-tos” tend to pile up.

I’d love to hear your experience. Drop a comment below or share on Instagram (tag @atwwellness) so we can celebrate the “get to” wins together.

Until next time, may your to-do list feel a little more like a get-to list.


With gratitude,
Cassandra

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